You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
