He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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