Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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