I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
