Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
