i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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