I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
