my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
