I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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