you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
