Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
