the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
