i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
