i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
