I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
