you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
