awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We have so much sex to catch up on
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
