My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
