I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
