Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
