Someone shit on the floor
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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