I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
