everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
