apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Randomize
