thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
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