Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
