I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
