if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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