How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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