in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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