can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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