she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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