dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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