I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
