And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
