Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
