Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
