had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
