I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
