What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
