Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
