i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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