Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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