I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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