Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
