Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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