Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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