he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Houston, we have a squirter
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
