i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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