thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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