oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
cat food counts as protein by the way
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
