dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
