I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
